Saying I’m Sorry

It seems to me saying “I’m Sorry” (Apologizing) is a lot like forgiveness. You know how its good for you to forgive others for the shear fact that holding a grudge or hatred inside of you doesn’t actually hurt the other person – just you. Well it seems to me saying I’m sorry is a lot like that.

It seems that way sometimes to me because I know there have been plenty of times people have apologized to me and it does nothing for me. Mainly cause often I simply don’t believe the sorry to be authentic. I think there are people out there who really overuse the word and say it before they even have the chance to feel authentically regretful for their words, actions etc.

I don’t use sorry that much. I attempt to act and speak in a manor in which I wont need to apologize for in the future. But when I do use it I mean it. But it’s never right after I do or say something. Normally right after I feel totally justified for my behavior.

Recently I apologized to someone and I felt so much better but not for saying sorry to them. But because of the process I had to go to to get to a place I could be sorry. I think really why I felt so much better is because previously I felt I was at the whims of others but somewhere through the process of coming to a place where I could say sorry for my part I had to take full responsibility in order to feel sorry.

And in that taking responsibility I felt I was once again in control of my own life. It was like before sorry I was on a raft with no oars just being tossed around. And then though the process I found my oars and realized I was in control all along. I just wasn’t making the best decisions.

I wonder if that’s how it feels for others. When you say sorry to another do you (like me) feel so much better? Like maybe no matter who your apologizing to your really apologizing to yourself? Now I’m not sure if that’s the way it’s felt every single time I’ve said I’m sorry. I’m fairly certain when I was a child I just said Sorry because it was expected.

Also I don’t think all sorrys need to be said out loud or even to the person your sorry to. Like in a situation where it’s best for all there’s no contact. Then saying sorry would and could be best and most authentic if it’s just a mental sorry and not a physical sorry. What do you think?