Community Add OnsFourteen Fundamentals

Fundamental Six: Lower Your Expectations & Aspirations

THE “NEED” FACTOR

Ultimately, the basic psychology underlying this Fundamental centers on “neediness.” How much one’s expectations and aspirations effects one’s happiness is largely a matter of how much one feels they “need” them in order to be happy.

Clearly, happy people don’t “need” their ambitions to become reality in order to be happy. Mainly, because they’re already so happy to begin with! In other words, the state of happiness itself is a state where a person already feels a high level of fulfillment, success, and satisfaction with his life. In such a fulfilled state, high expectations and aspirations for the future are not that necessary or needed. The happy man and woman feels that he or she has already arrived! Goals for the future remain, but the desperate neediness for such dreams to come true drops by the wayside. Freed of this “neediness,” goal-seeking becomes a fun pursuit for the happy person.

For the unhappy person, goal-seeking is no fun pursuit at all — it often becomes an almost life-or-death issue. The unhappy man or woman, however, feels that their happiness is far from their immediate reach. Thus, they tend to invest all hope for happiness in the achievement of their long-term goals. Because of this, their “need” for goal-attainment is intense. There is a desperateness to it — a sense of an all-or-nothing gamble for happiness. Obviously, the unhappy person is playing a “high-stakes” game — everything is riding on success!

In the final analysis, therefore, there may be nothing especially wrong with goals and ambitions, all by themselves. It may have more to do with how desperately you needthem…

For the person who doesn’t need every dream to come true to be happy, the realization of ambitions isn’t very critical. But for the person who can’t imagine being happy without their dreams coming true, goal-achievement can become an obsessive pursuit, fraught with frustration and bitter disappointment.

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